Toss and Turn Over New Leaf

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By Linda Estee

Bedroom clutter.
Doesn’t pad around the bedroom quietly.
Crashes, clangs, and crunches, sour notes all.
Rustle a bit of oom-pah-pah and do some pruning.
Hit it, maestro.

IT’S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME

CACOPHONY:  Clothing not worn two years max.
HIDING PLACE:  Where else, but in nether regions of closet?
REMEMBER:  Not exactly a poodle skirt, but grey flannel numberwe’ve, ahem, outgrown and other fitted waistbands, no?
BUT:  You wore the mauvey, not-quite-pink, not-quite-suede pantset the night you met what’s-his-name.
OUCH:  What’s the diff now that you’re married to great guy who’scomplaining there’s no space for his golf clubs.
OK, BYE:  The worn and woeful can get the toss.  The serviceable,donate.
NEW LEAF:  Let Holly Golightly be inspiration.  Think minimalist.

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
 
CACOPHONY:  Shoes you thought fit you.
HIDING PLACE:  Closet floor, wall-to-wall.  Stacked boxes on shelf.Strays never unpacked after Bermuda.  Was that two years ago?
REMEMBER:  This is a love affair!  They’re cheerful.  No dressingrooms, and size doesn’t change.
BUT:  They fit in the store.  Really.
OUCH:  You can take this literally.  The first outing, you were indenial.  The second, yes, they did pinch.
OK, BYE:  Some things just don’t improve with time.  Callconsignment shop.
NEW LEAF:  Pare collection down to what’s pretty, trulycomfortable, not color repeat.

LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR

CACOPHONY:  Dazzling array of cosmetics you can measure by the pound.  And they’re displayed in lovely woven basket.
HIDING PLACE:  Rest of it jams the works in bathroom drawer.Half-bottles of magical foundation now semi-solid.  Dried stiffmascara.  Tubes, if twisted, would expose red, pink, and boysenberryblobs.
REMEMBER:  This traffic pileup must be result of inertia.  You gotused to looking at it.
BUT:  It’s an investment!  There was always tempting new offer.Who could resist Flamenco Rose?
OUCH:  Repeat after me.  “This is only going to hurt a minute.”
OK, BYE:  Take plastic bag, drop in one product at a time, thankingeach for its service.
NEW LEAF:  Create more counter by stashing basket contents indrawer…the new generation.

ALL OF ME

CACOPHONY:  Speaking of drawers.  What about the catch allthat harbors all things miscellaneous?
HIDING PLACE:  It could be bureau, nightstand, highboy.
REMEMBER:  Someday you may need rubber band, old chewinggum, phone numbers of partygoers you’ve forgotten.
BUT:  Event programs will eventually go into scrapbook.  And coughdrops cost money!
OUCH:  What’s useable can be rerouted to desk, medicine cabinet,decorative box storing greeting cards.
OK, BYE:  Remaining 95% can meet its demise and never be missed.
NEW LEAF:  Scoop up loose change and buy divider.  Nextcollection of odd items won’t have to rub elbows.

PAPERBACK WRITER

CACOPHONY:  Books and magazines.  Who’s against reading?
HIDING PLACE:  Who’s hiding?  Stacks are all over the place.
REMEMBER:  They’re motivational gumdrops!  Educationaldoesn’t count.
BUT:  They were best sellers.  Magazines mean you’re wellrounded.  (See:  Clothing not worn two years max.)
OUCH:  So many yellowed pages.  So little time.
OK, BYE:  Think bundles.  Women’s Centers may welcome donatedpublications, and there’s always trade in bookstore on the corner.Just leave empty handed.
NEW LEAF:  Yes, to latest potboiler, newest sizzling bio, this month’sVanity Fair.  Put them to bed next to your own in just the right-size    receptacle to discourage propagation.

Without distraction, you can hear the trees swaying.

Music to dream by.

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