What do I do if my spouse wants a divorce? 

Updated on January 22, 2020
Divorce Couples

It’s never easy to go through a divorce. Whether it is something that has been brewing for a long time or something that takes you completely by surprise, it is never easy to hear your spouse utter the words, “I want a divorce.”

But when that happens, what do you do? Even if you try to ask your spouse for another shot at your marriage, it might not happen. Here are some things you should do when going through a divorce. 

1. Take time to grieve

Regardless of how long your relationship was, the end of a marriage is heartbreaking. And it is completely okay to grieve. There is no timeline in the grieving process. Every person has his or her own way of mourning the end of a relationship. Don’t be afraid to cry and don’t give yourself a deadline on how long you can keep crying. Just let yourself go through it naturally. If you try to hasten the process, there might still be unresolved issues that might still plague you in the years to come. Just remember that while grieving, you can still make yourself happy. Travel somewhere, get a new hobby. Your life does not have to stop just because you are mourning. 

2. Get a support system

In the same way that you had friends with you celebrating your wedding and marriage, you should also not be alone when going through a divorce. Talk to your friends and family. Open up to them as this is a good way of letting all your hurt feelings out. If it would help you, you can also have sessions with a therapist so that you can learn how to cope healthily with all the changes that you will go through in a divorce. 

3. Help your children cope with it too

If you have children, understand that if the divorce is hard on you, it will be harder on them. So, while you are grieving and hurting, make sure that you are still there to support your children. If the divorce talks are getting ugly, do not include the kids in your arguments. It would not help the situation if you try to tarnish your spouse’s name with your kids. Have a conversation with your spouse and come to an agreement that the kids are off-limits if ever there will be arguments. Make sure to spend enough time with them and talk to them about their feelings so that the kids feel as if they matter in this period of change. If they are angry, be understanding as they are having a hard time and are trying to make sense of the world that is changing around them. 

4. Ask advice regarding the divorce proceedings

Make sure that you are aware of how the divorce process is in your state. Survive Divorce has much information that can answer all your questions about the divorce proceedings. You may have properties that need to be divided and of course, there is the talk of the custody of the kids. It’s always good to get advice from professionals so that you can be given proper information. 


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