The Tale Behind That Snail Mail

The majority of my mail is pretty much mundane and boring- the usual advertisements or bills, with an occasional bright spot of a personal card. Today’s folk don’t write much anymore- this connected age mostly involves internet avenues for communication. Mail is not supposed to give laughter or smiles, or even evoke much attention. But a friend recently sent me some correspondence that sparked my attention and definitely made me smile.

It was a postcard from the Amish town of Intercourse, PA. 

What the Amish people from that town were thinking when they gave Intercourse its name was not sexual. Back then in 1814, the word “intercourse” was commonly used to describe religious fellowship, social interaction and support. You do have to wonder about those Amish though. Some other areas in Pennsylvania Dutch country have some pretty suggestive names as well. How about Blue Ball, PA? Or Fertility, PA, Bareville, PA or Bird-In-Hand, PA? 

The Amish don’t have the market on weird town names, especially those proudly named after their founding fathers. There is a hamlet of Dicktown, NJ– (a place predisposed for a thriving souvenir business). New Jersey has a town of Buttzville, named after Michael Robert Buttz- who apparently got revenge on all his old school bullies by founding and naming his own town- (so there!) John Looney in Texas started his own town too (Looneyville, TX). Adding to the ugly surname list, Jonathan Belcher founded Belchertown, MA. Likewise the ominous-sounding Slaughterville, OK is named after a grocery store there run by James Slaughter. Bumpass, VA comes from founder Captain John Bumpass- his elegant surname originates from the French for “bon pas” (fast pace) but the anglicized form lost much charm. Horneytown, NC was named after, you guessed it, a settler Horney family. (And you thought the premise to the sitcom “Schitt’s Creek” was outlandish?)

Frankenstein, Missouri is named for pioneer Godfried Franken- (not influenced by the Gothic novel Frankenstein). However the town good-naturedly once hosted a “Young Frankenstein” day to celebrate the movie’s 25th anniversary- and Universal Pictures promoted the occasion with 25 skydiving monsters parachuting over the town. 

The German influence won out again when unincorporated Worms, Nebraska grandly named their hamlet after the city of Worms in Germany, despite the name being lost in translation to most outsiders. Just looking at their Facebook for the Worms Christmas Light Show (https://www.facebook.com/wormslights/) or “Best Restaurants in Worms, NE” evokes an ewww factor.  

Speaking of lost in translation… Toad Suck, AR is another example of evolving word meanings uglifying a town’s moniker. How about Goobertown, AR– (peanuts used to be called goobers)? The uninspiring name of Nada, TX is NOT derived from the Spanish word “nada” meaning nothing- but actually the Americanized version of the Czechoslovakian word “najda” for hope. (At least the original Czech and German settlers understood this!)

Some town names just have a backstory. Idiotville, OR was originally a former logging camp that was so remote that, of course… only an idiot would work there. And even an icky name like Pee Pee Township, OH (located near…you guessed it…Pee Pee Creek), was actually likely dubbed from the area’s original tree-carved initials of a settler Peter Patrick. Tiny unincorporated Ding Dong, TX was named after a joke between two locals. And Bigfoot, TX has nothing to do with any lumbering hairy Sasquatch, but is christened after resident William “Bigfoot” Wallace. 

There’s a negative bent in town-naming in the US too. Take for instance Hell, MI, Truth or Consequences, NM, and at least 3 places named Satans Kingdom (How would you like to list your employment at the Satan’s Kingdom Wildlife Management in MA on your resume?)  Nothing, AZ is unsurprisingly a ghost town- even its original residents weren’t inspired to stay. Though for Father’s Day in 2016, Century 21 Real Estate ran a “Give Dad Nothing” promotion for a free 24-hour property lease, with a downloadable “Certificate Of Nothing” and gift card. 

After learning about some of America’s unusual geographical names, I’m thankful to have a more poetic-sounding “normal” address. The choice of US residents from among all of America’s locales is apparently a real minefield. And I can’t judge the Amish for their seemingly lewd residence name. Maybe our society has grown too sexualized and suggestive in its approach to everything– some innocence of thought is a refreshing change. 

That said, I’m not quite ready to innocently receive mail from Flasher, ND, Big Beaver, PA, or Hooker, SD. Intercourse, PA was startling enough.