A Senior’s Toast to Dentists

By Jerry Robbins

Here’s to dentists everywhere

And to all their helping ones

Who sit you down in their chair

Clean your teeth and check your gums

They wrap you in a lead blanket 

Insert a photographic plate 

“Bite down and hold,” they instruct 

It doesn’t feel all  that great  

“Open wide and spread your mouth”

They gently look around

They push, pick, and scrape

To see what can be found

You want to talk to them

As they do what they must do

 But your mouth is full of mouthful stuff 

“An….oow… is.. it… ith…oooo?”

They lean you back in the chair

And  ask you how you are

Their magnifiers scan the sight

Bad teeth on their radar

“Sit up and rinse, we’ll look again

There’s something near your jowl

I hate to break the news to you 

You need a root canal.”

“And, you know, it looks to me

You’ll need a crown or two 

Don’t worry it’s a piece of cake

One pass and we’ll be through” 

They give you gas, sing lullabys

As off to sleep you go

They tug and pull at the tooth

Which seems to bigger grow

Now strapped-in and knocked-out

You cannot feel a thing

Jack hammers inside your head

That mighty tooth to spring 

Then it’s over and you sit up

The fog is slow to clear away

“That wasn’t so bad,” he smiles at you

And then you hear him say,

“Next time in we’ll check your bite

You may need  a big steel brace

You know, the kind with cable wires 

That well precede your face.”

But you are still a little drugged

You worry not nor fret

You float in a sweet la-la land

This may be your best day yet